Almost Lover

Yes, fellow bloggers / readers, amongst all other things, I also am in the dating scene. After having been single for 1,5 years, I feel I’m ready for a relationship again. Another thing to blog about … Dating in Portugal? As a pretty obviously German girl? Oh, well… I guess that’s a whole new post already.

Back to Almost Lover. Yes, I’m referring to the song from A Fine Franzy. I’ve always liked the song – but I remember, when I first heard it as a teenager, I didn’t really understand it. I was thinking, what the fuck is an almost lover? Either you date and you don’t like, or you do, and start a relationship. How can you be almost lovers?! Later in life, especially after breaking up after my long-term relationship, I started to get a grasp. But I had to become 23 and be in the dating scene for over a year, to actually experience an “almost love”. It was awful, and now I can relate to the song so much, I didn’t listen to it, since. And the peak was actually already 3 weeks ago, I’m writing now because I’m finally able to (I hope) put an end on it to keep myself from getting hurt further. Anyway, and referring so much to a song that hasn’t actually any real connection to a situation (as in, listening to it together etc) is usually NOT MY TYPE.
But hey, while we are at it, my other “hurts now but actually so amazing” playlist for right now includes

Kendrick Lamar – Swimming Pools (Drank)
alt-J – Tessellate
Max Shneider & Alyson Stoner – Sweater Weather (Cover from The Neighbourhood)
Future Islands – Seasons (Waiting On You)

and many more, sadly. That’s the problem if you connect over music. Well, Back to topic 😀 Couldn’t let those unmentioned, sorry guys. After all, this is a music-related dating post.

I actually don’t wanna talk about it in detail (as also my wordpress blog is not very anonymous… actually, only a single one of my friends has a link, but if you really look hard, you can connect to it over my facebook profile…), but it broke my heart. A bit. Like an almost love does. The problem is – tell me, you don’t like me, and I’m out. I’ll start to forget about you pretty soon, I’m fine with that. But give me other reasons. Give me distance, time, tell me whatever, but sitll tell and show me, that you like me – and I’ll keep being there, being into it. Yes, I know I have a problem with giving up on people IN GENERAL. I care about so many people who don’t deserve it. I know and I still keep doing it, because once in a while, you meet those amazing people who are actually worth it. I probably would have been really angry with life because of this character trait, if it wasn’t for one of those amazing people, someone I met very early in January. If you ever happen to read it, you know who you are. Oh and of course because of my amazing flatmate, the best fellow volunteer I could have ever wished for.

Aaaanyway I’m getting sidetracked again! What happened is, exactly that. We started out great, everything was nearly perfect, and for the first time after being single for so long, I thought I had found someone whom I genuinely liked and could imagine to be with. Well. Until he decided, going on like this would turn into a lot of frustration because of distance. Fair enough, I agree. But the way he treated me since we talked about that is just utter shit. And today I’m at the point where I finally say, fuck you, vai-te foder, once and for all (hopefully…).

God, no, I’m tempted to write about details, but that would be too personal and would get me too involved. Thinking about it makes me already angry again.
But yes, he was an almost lover. And considering the lyrics, pretty much exactly what A Fine Franzy were singing about.

I should try being happy about finally fully understanding a song I’ve liked for a long time 😉

I just realised how heartbroken the whole post sounds – actually, I am not, not really. I’m more angry than anything else, and eager to move on. Having a great night out with friends tomorrow (no, I will ignore the fact that I’m meeting his best friend), and still so much work to do.

Speaking of. I should actually continue working instead of keep babbling, but I had to clear my mind. 😀

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