change

2014 – wtf? a thank you

Campo Grande, Lisboa – 2nd of January 2015

I’ve been through life changing years, certainly. At the beginning of 2012 for example, my goal was to complete my bachelor degree in Computer Science and instead starting studying Music Theory. Through some coincidences, although still finishing my Bachelor’s, I ended up starting going to a private dance academy and studying contemporary dance – for which I paid 340€ per month, which led to me working more than ever and owing my parents. For the next 2 years I was working non-stop.

Let’s just say, my life changed radically and I finally followed a passion of mine instead of just doing what I was good in.

In 2013 I broke up with my boyfriend after 4 years of relationship, which led me to develop a lot as a person. I’m still glad I did, and am still friends with this wonderful guy, but it was the best decision of that year.

But the only thing that comes to mind when I think back on 2014 is … WTF??? I feel like I can hardly relate to the person I was before June. My thoughts have changed, I’ve done a lot of things I thought I’d never have the guts to do.
If you’d told me in May, that in 2014 I’d move to another country, learn a compltely new language so well I usually can communicate without any problems, hitchhike, travel alone for over 2 weeks, in general travel more than the past years in my life n totally fall in love with it, will make well around 20 new friends, meet probably 100 new people I actually stay in touch with, discover that most of my friends in Berlin are no real friends, from July until December speak 90% English and Portuguese instead of German, reduce all my belongings by more than 2/3 (wild guess), give up dancing as a serious career, instead go volunteering and discover that teaching is a true passion of mine – I would have bet for a 1000€ that you are wrong.

And still, here I am. Having done all of that, and hundreds and thousands of stuff more I would have never believed and can’t even remember right now. And you know what? Although there were plenty of bad experiences as well, I can very well sum up that 2014 has not only been my most life-changing, but also probably the best year I’ve ever had.
And honestly, I actually don’t even remember really how exactly I made a few of those life changing decisions like going alone on a 2 week trip through a country I hardly know, hitchhiking for the first time in my life, after not even having traveled a weekend on my own 😀 I think I was desperate for a life change and willing to take every risk.

Now I feel like I found home, and I am happy. Truly happy. Of course, not everything is perfect by far – but there is an inner feeling of happiness, that makes me smile at the sun at nearly every day for no specific reason. This is what I had been looking for the past 23 years, and here it finally is.

Thank you 2014. And welcome, 2015, whatever you might bring.

Lisboa – Alameda

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Estou a sourrir

I am smiling =) I still am, and i will continue to. I feel I am where I belong, even if not all is going well. I´ve been in Portugal since 3 weeks now (how I got here is a long story for another day). My whole self just cries out

I AM FINE, THIS IS IT!!

and that is an amazing feeling. this is, what you should reach out for in your life. Life can never be perfect, but just this tiny feeling of well-being and belonging – that´s it. It doesn´t have to be associated with a location, it can be a person, a situation, anything. If it´s that one guy that makes you feeling well all-around? Then that´s him. You feel in heaven with your family surrounding you? Then that´s it. You feel at ease while traveling? Then that´s it!

I will travel myself this weekend again, even if it´s hardly 20km, to Coimbra 😀 Couchsurfing once more. A topic for another post. For today, just a cheering up.

Because even to me, something bad happened yesterday – and still, I really am fine. This  makes me really realize, how happy I am with my situation now. Be never content with where you are and what you do when you don´t have that feeling. And if it´s changing, then change yourself or your situation.

Too many people in this world stay where they are due to thousands of reasons. Follow your heart, please. Everything else will leave you with that what if feeling. Try and succeed or fail and try something else. What is the worst thing that can happen in this life? Think about it, truly do. And then think about whether it´s worth the risk.

For me, this means now traveling, moving to Portugal, trying out new things, wanting to change parts of my character concerning socializing. And somehow I managed to do that (or am doing that), even earn some money and pay back my loan to my parents. And learning something new EVERY SINGLE DAY. What did I learn today? I can be happy, even if I´m not happy with parts of myself (whoever is?), and parts of my situation. And why´s that? Because I followed my heart and I believe in what I did and what I´m doing.

Please share your thoughts =) What makes you happy? Do you feel you want to change something? And if so, why don´t you?!

Love, Nana

PS: The image is the lovely Porto (caralho!), not where I am right now. I wanna reactivate the blog and talk about my experiences here in Portugal, but for the moment this was the most important thing on my mind. =) Probably an entry about tiny cultural differences that can mean so much more to yourself soon!